1. I don't really have a desire anymore to ask God to "move" I want to ask Him to change me...then others. I've seen too much to go backwards.
2. He still does miracles - yes, you can say they just happened...but why? :) Supernatural? I couldn't have made it happen!
3. God brings us through embarrassing moments to humble us - we are nothing. He is our worth... I'm glad we can laugh at ourselves..glad that's allowed.
4. I think the thought of someone who dying because they gave up would be harder for me to handle than someone who died fighting to live and then God took them home - By far.
5. I can handle not one more...not one more e-mail tonight. I think I got all the way through April Emails on all accounts tonight! Whew-Hoo!
SO HERE GOES THE STORIES BEHIND THOSE THOUGHTS...READ AS YOU WILL...
1. RETREAT: COSTA MESA, CA. Ft. Irwin Ladies PWOC APRIL 17-19, 2009 and following! :)
I'm just going to give you a video. Just can't express it in writing.
2. WRIST: Cist...gone through God's use of a fence and a lawn mower!?
Okay, so those of you that are picturing something gross...look for a different story - THIS IS A STORY OF GOD doing something out of the ordinary! Simply, for months I've had a fluid cist on the top of my wrist from typing wrong or something. I had surgery about 7 years ago and then it came back...the only danger is if it starts getting in the way of the nerves. While on tour in Europe (Mar.) I prayed that God would provide some surgeon (they can do anything there - no law suit danger etc.)...but He chose not to allow anyone to notice it in any of the countries I went to. I continued to pray as the cist began to grow and get a bit painful. I knew that I didn't have insurance and that God would either provide the money or the person to do something. While on tour in Oregon someone noticed and gave me homeopathic oils to help and cure it...still nothing. During the next and most recent retreat in CA. I prayed with friends and began to realize that wisdom would soon detail that I may need to see a doctor for it was becoming painful even when I wasn't moving my wrist - not a good sign. I returned on Tues. night and decided that on Friday (yesterday) I would go to a doctor in Nashville that someone had told me about. On Wed., the morning after I returned, I decided to go and mow my lawn (no, I haven't de-railed and no, mowing my lawn and living through it was not the miracle:)). There was one fence that was difficult to manuever by and I ended up jamming my elbow against the fence and the lawn mower pushed my wrist back. Suddenly I wondered if I had broken something (I had no pain, I had just felt something pop) - I looked down and GOD HAD COMPLETELY BURST MY CIST! That was the best scenario that could have happened...surgery was worst, needles were just as bad, but bursting would be more likely to keep it from coming back, Lord willing! Ironic, they used to smash a Bible on them to burst them...this time God just used His Word..."with God all things are possible!"(Matt. 19:26) "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."(Eph.3:20) PRAISE YOU LORD!!!
3. DOVE AWARDS: How Not TO Be An ESCORT...How to be humbled...(Funny)
Mandy my roommate and one of my best friends was playing at the Dove Awards and I wanted to support her from the audience. Being gone for so long, I was late in the game in trying to be a seat-filler - I knew that a little coaxing and convincing may be needed so I included in my e-mail reasons why they (the production company covering the live award show) could trust that I wouldn't do anything crazy: I had formerly worked in L.A. as a ABC coordinator,talent wrangler, Assoc. Producer, Asst. to a Feature Film Dir., etc. To my surprise I got an email back from someone who had forwarded my letter to the person coordinating more than seat-fillers. They offered me a choice of volunteer jobs and I accepted to serve as a "talent escort." I would later see that titles from the past mean nothing - they just get you to places you probably aren't ready for...as was the case with me. When I arrived, dressed like I was going to a funeral, we were wisked in the production trailer and somehow they had NO person for me to escort! I was fine with that! I would just fill in and help everyone - get a walkie and make sure everything ran smoothly! Soon, due to their being a need, I found myself becoming the official escort to some of the most well-known performing artists of the night...not to mention the industry.
From the time I accepted to serve, my heart was bubbling over with a desire to serve and love them well - whomever He would place me with. I longed to share whatever God would lead me to in order that they would be focused beyond the glitz and honor they could recieve...and that, most of all, they would leave encouraged to continue on more boldly than before. I wanted to be used whether that was cleaning their plates off the tables or praying for them while they were preparing to hit the stage! What I didn't know was how to be an escort - at least not for this show! I had been a talent wrangler for the Movie Guide Awards with celebrities, red-carpet and all, but what does that matter...I had forgotten how to stand outside of a door and wait. Truth is, I had never been an escort. Don't get me wrong, the coordinator in me took over and soon many were asking me where to go, what to do, etc. BUT, no one had told me how to be an escort!! I spent time with my "celebs" (they would hate being called that and sure didn't act like they knew that at all). I talked with them...brought in food, laughed, joked with them, saw baby pics...I treated them like they were family (they were!) and that they had come to my house for dinner! But, I noticed at one point that there was a bit of slight uncomfortability in a couple of them...I stayed outside. If I had just been someone that came with friends to a concert and met up with these same people, I think it would have been different. But, I was an escort which put me in an awkward position. I had actually met one of them before (several times) and really enjoyed talking with her...THEY were no different than they would have been to me if I were on the street - probably even nicer to me! BUT, I was awkward because I would have probably been friends with them at any other time, but I was now in an irritating role...One of the few instructions I was given was to literally "stalk" them to make sure they were where they needed to be for this live show. Afterall, who wants to hear, "You're up in 5!" - NOBODY! Then here comes the clencher...It wasn't until the end of the night - literally after most of my talent had left and I was cleaning up - when someone told me that we weren't aloud in the rooms! WHAT? Was I not supposed to treat them like they were at my house for dinner? That was how I would have loved them, and how I treated them all day - Bringing them food and drinks, talking with them, etc! :) AHH! These poor people! I tour now and I tried to offer them what I would have wanted - to leave them alone and protect their time of silence for them! I probably should have tried harder because they probably could have used a bit less of me asking them if they wanted another drink of water, etc. There were many other normal meetings with other celebrities, friends, co-workers, and even with my talent that were great and edifying times for sure - GOOD times (praying with others etc.)...but I left feeling a bit like apologizing to them...in fact I even wrote a note to one of the key players who I had hounded about rest and God's design for it. Honestly, I could truly care less about celebrity and hope that I never really reach fame unless God is in front of me where they see Him and I can hide behind as I follow. It's not an easy path to trod. The celebrities I worked with I believe felt the same...I was blessed by them all. But I have all the respect in the world for authority and position (or at least try to). They were in a position that night and so was I...just on a different plane for the day. Then while I was talking to another person, my headset got mangled in my hair as I tried to take it off - someone actually felt the need to come and help. All I can do is laugh at myself embarrassed to think of how many times they had to see my face while in their private room. Those poor people need an extra blessing from you, Father!
In lesson, I struggled for a day wondering why, with my intentions to love and serve in a way that they would need, I had felt like it was such a "fumble." I may have gotten to the end zone, but, in my mind, the impression that was left was that they might have been relieved when they left. Truly, I know that I exaggerate for they even asked me to stay longer, and I had great conversations with several of them. But, when I asked God why I was allowed to walk that awkward walk on Thurs. God laid on my heart - "Humbling."
Lord, I praise You for caring enough about me to remind me that I am nothing without You...that anything good that people see in me - or any good impression made - is only You shining through - Your favor. Lord forgive me for thinking as much as I have about what man thinks of me...even if it's a small amount- it's still a waste of thought that could be spent on You. I also thank You for the people that I met, and I praise You for their hearts. Lord, bless them, encourage them, keep them humble, and show Yourself to them as they stand before You in front of so many clamering...and even "fumbling" many. It's obvious, Your love outweighs our faults...Thank You, Father. I love You!
4. Just an extra thought.
5. E-Mails for Today - DONE! (I think I'm learning that I can't read them unless I'm ready to answer right then! :) You think that will work? I'm a people person...give me people!! :) Thank you all for your notes...words are one of my love languages, so I love reading all about your lives and all that God's doing, etc. Keep them coming...it's just the writing back that I get behind on! :) Thank you!
I'm reading in I Samuel right now and am learning from the story of David as he keeps God's commands and then suffers the consequences when when He doesn't uphold God's commands as a "must"- as sin that will hurt not only God but all those involved. (Tons of other lessons as well.) I'm reading a book called, "The Case for the Real Jesus" by Lee Strobel - really good for the short answer on questions that are hot topics in our culture. Praying for purity of heart among many other things.